Dealing With Stess
1. Avoid Caffeine, Alcohol, and/or Drugs.
Try and stay away or avoid completely from drinking coffee, or pop with caffeine and any substances of alcohol. They will increase you blood pressure which will rise the level of stress in your body. You should also aim to reduce the amount of processed sugar in your diet.
2. Indulge in Physical Activity
Stressful situations increase the level of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol in your body.
These are the “fight or flight” hormones that evolution has hard-wired into our brains and which are designed to protect us from immediate bodily harm when we are under threat. However, stress in the modern age is rarely remedied by a fight or flight response, and so physical exercise can be used as a surrogate to metabolize the excessive stress hormones and restore your body and mind to a calmer, more relaxed state.
3. Get More Sleep
A lack of sleep is a significant cause of stress. Unfortunately though, stress also interrupts our sleep as thoughts keep whirling through our heads, stopping us from relaxing enough to fall asleep.
Rather than relying on medication, your aim should be to maximise your relaxation before going to sleep. Make sure that your bedroom is a tranquil oasis with no reminders of the things that cause you stress. Avoid caffeine during the evening, as well as excessive alcohol if you know that this leads to disturbed sleep. Stop doing any mentally demanding work several hours before going to bed so that you give your brain time to calm down. Try taking a warm bath or reading a calming, undemanding book for a few minutes to relax your body, tire your eyes and help you forget about the things that worry you.
4. Try Relaxation Techniques
Each day, try to relax with a stress reduction technique. There are many tried and tested ways to reduce stress so try a few and see what works best for you.
For example, try self-hypnosis which is very easy and can be done anywhere, even at your desk or in the car. One very simple technique is to focus on a word or phrase that has a positive meaning to you. Words such as "calm" "love" and "peace" work well, or you could think of a self-affirming mantra such as “I deserve calm in my life” or “Grant me serenity”. Focus on your chosen word or phrase; if you find your mind has wandered or you become aware of intrusive thoughts entering your mind, simply disregard them and return your focus to the chosen word or phrase. If you find yourself becoming tense again later, simply silently repeat your word or phrase.
5. Talk to Someone
Just talking to someone about how you feel can be helpful. Talking can work by either distracting you from your stressful thoughts or releasing some of the built-up tension by discussing it.
Stress can cloud your judgement and prevent you from seeing things clearly. Talking things through with a friend, work colleague, or even a trained professional, can help you find solutions to your stress and put your problems into perspective.
6. Keep a Stress Diary
Keeping a stress diary for a few weeks is an effective stress management tool as it will help you become more aware of the situations which cause you to become stressed.
Note down the date, time and place of each stressful episode, and note what you were doing, who you were with, and how you felt both physically and emotionally. Give each stressful episode a stress rating (on, say, a 1-10 scale) and use the diary to understand what triggers your stress and how effective you are in stressful situations. This will enable you to avoid stressful situations and develop better coping mechanisms.
7. Take Control
Stress can be triggered by a problem that may on the surface seem impossible to solve. Learning how to find solutions to your problems will help you feel more in control thereby lowering your level of stress.
One problem-solving technique involves writing down the problem and coming up with as many possible solutions as you can. Decide on the good and bad points of each one and select the best solution. Write down each step that you need to take as part of the solution: what will be done, how will it be done, when will it be done, who is involved and where will it take place.
8. Manage Your Time
At times, we all feel overburdened by our 'To Do' list and this is a common cause of stress. Accept that you can not do everything at once and start to prioritise and diarise your tasks.
Make a list of all the things that you need to do and list them in order of genuine priority. Note what tasks you need to do personally and what can be delegated to others to do. Record which tasks need to be done immediately, in the next week, in the next month, or when time allows.
By editing what might have started out as an overwhelming and unmanageable task list, you can break it down into a series of smaller, more manageable tasks spread out over a longer time frame, with some tasks removed from the list entirely through delegation.
Remember as well to create buffer times to deal with unexpected and emergency tasks, and to include time for your own relaxation and well-being.
9. Learn to Say ‘No’
A common cause of stress is having too much to do and too little time in which to do it. And yet in this situation, many people will still agree to take on additional responsibility. Learning to say “No” to additional or unimportant requests will help to reduce your level of stress, and may also help you develop more self-confidence.
To learn to say “No”, you need to understand why you find it difficult. Many people find it hard to say “No” because they want to help and are trying to be nice and to be liked. For others, it is a fear of conflict, rejection or missed opportunities. Remember that these barriers to saying “No” are all self-created.
You might feel reluctant to respond to a request with a straight “No”, at least at first. Instead think of some pre-prepared phrases to let other people down more gently. Practice saying phrases such as:
10. Rest
If You Are IllIf you are feeling unwell, do not feel that you have to carry on regardless. A short spell of rest will enable the body to recover faster.
http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/stress-tips.html
Try and stay away or avoid completely from drinking coffee, or pop with caffeine and any substances of alcohol. They will increase you blood pressure which will rise the level of stress in your body. You should also aim to reduce the amount of processed sugar in your diet.
2. Indulge in Physical Activity
Stressful situations increase the level of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol in your body.
These are the “fight or flight” hormones that evolution has hard-wired into our brains and which are designed to protect us from immediate bodily harm when we are under threat. However, stress in the modern age is rarely remedied by a fight or flight response, and so physical exercise can be used as a surrogate to metabolize the excessive stress hormones and restore your body and mind to a calmer, more relaxed state.
3. Get More Sleep
A lack of sleep is a significant cause of stress. Unfortunately though, stress also interrupts our sleep as thoughts keep whirling through our heads, stopping us from relaxing enough to fall asleep.
Rather than relying on medication, your aim should be to maximise your relaxation before going to sleep. Make sure that your bedroom is a tranquil oasis with no reminders of the things that cause you stress. Avoid caffeine during the evening, as well as excessive alcohol if you know that this leads to disturbed sleep. Stop doing any mentally demanding work several hours before going to bed so that you give your brain time to calm down. Try taking a warm bath or reading a calming, undemanding book for a few minutes to relax your body, tire your eyes and help you forget about the things that worry you.
4. Try Relaxation Techniques
Each day, try to relax with a stress reduction technique. There are many tried and tested ways to reduce stress so try a few and see what works best for you.
For example, try self-hypnosis which is very easy and can be done anywhere, even at your desk or in the car. One very simple technique is to focus on a word or phrase that has a positive meaning to you. Words such as "calm" "love" and "peace" work well, or you could think of a self-affirming mantra such as “I deserve calm in my life” or “Grant me serenity”. Focus on your chosen word or phrase; if you find your mind has wandered or you become aware of intrusive thoughts entering your mind, simply disregard them and return your focus to the chosen word or phrase. If you find yourself becoming tense again later, simply silently repeat your word or phrase.
5. Talk to Someone
Just talking to someone about how you feel can be helpful. Talking can work by either distracting you from your stressful thoughts or releasing some of the built-up tension by discussing it.
Stress can cloud your judgement and prevent you from seeing things clearly. Talking things through with a friend, work colleague, or even a trained professional, can help you find solutions to your stress and put your problems into perspective.
6. Keep a Stress Diary
Keeping a stress diary for a few weeks is an effective stress management tool as it will help you become more aware of the situations which cause you to become stressed.
Note down the date, time and place of each stressful episode, and note what you were doing, who you were with, and how you felt both physically and emotionally. Give each stressful episode a stress rating (on, say, a 1-10 scale) and use the diary to understand what triggers your stress and how effective you are in stressful situations. This will enable you to avoid stressful situations and develop better coping mechanisms.
7. Take Control
Stress can be triggered by a problem that may on the surface seem impossible to solve. Learning how to find solutions to your problems will help you feel more in control thereby lowering your level of stress.
One problem-solving technique involves writing down the problem and coming up with as many possible solutions as you can. Decide on the good and bad points of each one and select the best solution. Write down each step that you need to take as part of the solution: what will be done, how will it be done, when will it be done, who is involved and where will it take place.
8. Manage Your Time
At times, we all feel overburdened by our 'To Do' list and this is a common cause of stress. Accept that you can not do everything at once and start to prioritise and diarise your tasks.
Make a list of all the things that you need to do and list them in order of genuine priority. Note what tasks you need to do personally and what can be delegated to others to do. Record which tasks need to be done immediately, in the next week, in the next month, or when time allows.
By editing what might have started out as an overwhelming and unmanageable task list, you can break it down into a series of smaller, more manageable tasks spread out over a longer time frame, with some tasks removed from the list entirely through delegation.
Remember as well to create buffer times to deal with unexpected and emergency tasks, and to include time for your own relaxation and well-being.
9. Learn to Say ‘No’
A common cause of stress is having too much to do and too little time in which to do it. And yet in this situation, many people will still agree to take on additional responsibility. Learning to say “No” to additional or unimportant requests will help to reduce your level of stress, and may also help you develop more self-confidence.
To learn to say “No”, you need to understand why you find it difficult. Many people find it hard to say “No” because they want to help and are trying to be nice and to be liked. For others, it is a fear of conflict, rejection or missed opportunities. Remember that these barriers to saying “No” are all self-created.
You might feel reluctant to respond to a request with a straight “No”, at least at first. Instead think of some pre-prepared phrases to let other people down more gently. Practice saying phrases such as:
10. Rest
If You Are IllIf you are feeling unwell, do not feel that you have to carry on regardless. A short spell of rest will enable the body to recover faster.
http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/stress-tips.html
Stereotypes affected how a person is being treated by others
Using it
Find how others stereotype you (if possible, getting them to stereotype you positively). They will have a blind spot to non-stereotyped behaviors, so you can do these and they will often ignore it. Thus if you are stereotyped as a ‘kind old man’, you can do moderately unkind things which may be ignored.
Defending
To change a person’s view of your stereotype, be consistently different from it. Beware of your own stereotyping blinding you to the true nature of other individuals.
Stereotyping can be reduced by bringing people together. When they discover the other people are not as the stereotype, the immediate evidence creates dissonance that leads to improved thoughts about the other group.
Find how others stereotype you (if possible, getting them to stereotype you positively). They will have a blind spot to non-stereotyped behaviors, so you can do these and they will often ignore it. Thus if you are stereotyped as a ‘kind old man’, you can do moderately unkind things which may be ignored.
Defending
To change a person’s view of your stereotype, be consistently different from it. Beware of your own stereotyping blinding you to the true nature of other individuals.
Stereotyping can be reduced by bringing people together. When they discover the other people are not as the stereotype, the immediate evidence creates dissonance that leads to improved thoughts about the other group.
Impacts on shaping the views of relationships
Does the media distort love?
Movies and television dramas can seriously distort our views on love and romance and can set us up to create unrealistic expectations in our own relationships. Let’s face it a 2 hour movie, no matter how well done, does not a life long relationship make. This can be a hard concept to swallow when we have been barraged with images of true love and romance for as long as we can remember. I believe girls are more susceptible to these images then men because we begin learning these concepts at such and early age. Stories like Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella are read primarily to girls and they embody a misguided concept that a man who loves us will come along and rescue us when devastating circumstances prevail. We grow up believing that love conquers all and once we have a man to love us our lives will be complete. Men are often taught to be the heroes and grow up thinking they cannot have feelings and must always be strong, capable providers.
These stories also invariably end with the line, “and they lived happily ever after.” If it is not stated it is implied. Of course we are not privy to the ever after, also known as the middle, only the drama that leads up to it and so in this way we often also come to believe that constant drama and intense situations are the fabric of life, so when life becomes routine and we start to get comfortable we think life is boring and we look for ways to create intensity. We feel our lives are meaningless unless they are lived like the characters in movies.
You may believe I am making a broad generalization, but ask yourself how your images of love and romance were formed? Who creates these images and where did they come from? Does my belief about love and romance empower me or is it a belief I have always had?
Do the terms, I am hopeless romantic or I am hopelessly in love bother you? Or do they seep with romantic ideals. These phrases emphasize that love and romance are situations we do not choose, but that we are victims of. As if we can’t help ourselves. They just happen. They successfully dis-empower us. Do you think it’s romantic that Romeo and Juliet killed themselves for love? Do you actually believe that a story like “Pretty Woman” could happen in real life or do you just wish it would? Or how about, “Gone with the Wind” a well known timeless classic whose love story distracts us from the real devastation of war? A more modern film, “Titanic” is also usually counted among the top 100 love stories of all time and it too distracts from a horrible tragedy by creating a romance whose heroine, on the brink of suicide is saved by a man she has never met and he becomes her savior. What about, “The Bridges of Madison County”, a story that glorifies infidelity as a way to escape the “boredom” of a “normal” life. You might also want to pay attention to how quickly the characters fall into bed with each other, as if sexual desire is an over powering urge that must be abated at once, often times before the characters have developed mutual love and respect. Sometimes the characters don’t even like each other.
Have you ever noticed that in the majority of love stories it is the woman who is unattainable and must be pursued by a man who has to win her heart? He will forgo rejection after rejection to obtain her love as if it were a prize, the final conquest. This gives men the false impression that women should be hard to get and that those who are open and available aren’t worth having. It teaches women to be manipulative, dishonest and fearful. In the movies, once he has proved himself worthy the story is over and the credits roll, but we never know what happens next. I bet we believe they lived happily ever after.
These stories keep the self-help industry afloat with such titles as, “The Rules”, “Why Men Love Bitches”, and “Manslations” which attempt to teach women how to be unattainable until the man proves himself worthy, while at the same time contributing to the illusion that we are conquests or prizes who should objectify ourselves.
Love stories also usually equate romance with pain and heartbreak and when these archetypes blossom in our subconscious we come to believe that love and heartbreak are a package deal. This is a prescription which instills a belief that pain in relationships is inevitable and an acceptable part of life. Pain is an inevitable part of life, but pain in a relationship between 2 mature adults should not be acceptable.
Finally we see that movies, television and fairy tales are not complete unless the main characters are physically beautiful. This, of course, skews our self perception and that of others. The media sets the standard for beauty in this country and keeps most of us striving for a physical perfection that is difficult for even movie stars to maintain and they are paid millions to achieve it. It also causes us to be afraid of growing old because when we do our physical beauty will diminish and our partner could leave us for someone younger and more attractive. When we compare ourselves with impossible standards it devalues us and creates an inner longing to be better. Because if we look better we will attract someone better and our need for that perfect love will be fulfilled. This one erroneous belief keeps the diet and beauty industry in business and puts to waste our hard earned money. What we may want to pay attention to is the real number of public celebrity divorces and failed relationships that occur between the most beautiful and successful people to validate the fact that they too have been sucked in by the illusion of romantic love.
So how do we learn what true love is?
The best way to insure a lasting relationship is to get to know who you are dating before you let the relationship get physical. Spend the time it takes to get to know someone and see if you have similar values. If the attraction lasts and a deep friendship ensues the next step is determining if there is a sexual compatibility, but be sure you really know someone before you have sex. This requires a level of maturity that few of us were taught or understand. You should be able to discuss serious issues like life goals, birth control, and health concerns etc., the way partners would.
If you have a history of failed relationships the best was to begin is:
By deciding what is valuable to you not your romantic ideals. Look at real life successful relationships and see how they have made their lives together work. Love yourself and find out what you like to do, alone. Realize that in a real “love relationship” both parties are open to and willing to work on the following concepts:
Commitment to self
Honesty
Maturity
Willingness to negotiate
Honest communication
Self awareness
Sexual compatibility
Similar values
Patience and tolerance for a wide range of emotions
Personal boundaries
Willingness to let go of control
Devotion
Quality time with each other
A willingness to face problems
Compatibility
Ease with, and respect and admiration for the other
Reciprocity
Commitment to the relationship itself as an ever changing entity
And most importantly realistic expectations about how much happiness should come from the relationship itself.
November 24, 2007 by dontdatethatdude
Movies and television dramas can seriously distort our views on love and romance and can set us up to create unrealistic expectations in our own relationships. Let’s face it a 2 hour movie, no matter how well done, does not a life long relationship make. This can be a hard concept to swallow when we have been barraged with images of true love and romance for as long as we can remember. I believe girls are more susceptible to these images then men because we begin learning these concepts at such and early age. Stories like Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella are read primarily to girls and they embody a misguided concept that a man who loves us will come along and rescue us when devastating circumstances prevail. We grow up believing that love conquers all and once we have a man to love us our lives will be complete. Men are often taught to be the heroes and grow up thinking they cannot have feelings and must always be strong, capable providers.
These stories also invariably end with the line, “and they lived happily ever after.” If it is not stated it is implied. Of course we are not privy to the ever after, also known as the middle, only the drama that leads up to it and so in this way we often also come to believe that constant drama and intense situations are the fabric of life, so when life becomes routine and we start to get comfortable we think life is boring and we look for ways to create intensity. We feel our lives are meaningless unless they are lived like the characters in movies.
You may believe I am making a broad generalization, but ask yourself how your images of love and romance were formed? Who creates these images and where did they come from? Does my belief about love and romance empower me or is it a belief I have always had?
Do the terms, I am hopeless romantic or I am hopelessly in love bother you? Or do they seep with romantic ideals. These phrases emphasize that love and romance are situations we do not choose, but that we are victims of. As if we can’t help ourselves. They just happen. They successfully dis-empower us. Do you think it’s romantic that Romeo and Juliet killed themselves for love? Do you actually believe that a story like “Pretty Woman” could happen in real life or do you just wish it would? Or how about, “Gone with the Wind” a well known timeless classic whose love story distracts us from the real devastation of war? A more modern film, “Titanic” is also usually counted among the top 100 love stories of all time and it too distracts from a horrible tragedy by creating a romance whose heroine, on the brink of suicide is saved by a man she has never met and he becomes her savior. What about, “The Bridges of Madison County”, a story that glorifies infidelity as a way to escape the “boredom” of a “normal” life. You might also want to pay attention to how quickly the characters fall into bed with each other, as if sexual desire is an over powering urge that must be abated at once, often times before the characters have developed mutual love and respect. Sometimes the characters don’t even like each other.
Have you ever noticed that in the majority of love stories it is the woman who is unattainable and must be pursued by a man who has to win her heart? He will forgo rejection after rejection to obtain her love as if it were a prize, the final conquest. This gives men the false impression that women should be hard to get and that those who are open and available aren’t worth having. It teaches women to be manipulative, dishonest and fearful. In the movies, once he has proved himself worthy the story is over and the credits roll, but we never know what happens next. I bet we believe they lived happily ever after.
These stories keep the self-help industry afloat with such titles as, “The Rules”, “Why Men Love Bitches”, and “Manslations” which attempt to teach women how to be unattainable until the man proves himself worthy, while at the same time contributing to the illusion that we are conquests or prizes who should objectify ourselves.
Love stories also usually equate romance with pain and heartbreak and when these archetypes blossom in our subconscious we come to believe that love and heartbreak are a package deal. This is a prescription which instills a belief that pain in relationships is inevitable and an acceptable part of life. Pain is an inevitable part of life, but pain in a relationship between 2 mature adults should not be acceptable.
Finally we see that movies, television and fairy tales are not complete unless the main characters are physically beautiful. This, of course, skews our self perception and that of others. The media sets the standard for beauty in this country and keeps most of us striving for a physical perfection that is difficult for even movie stars to maintain and they are paid millions to achieve it. It also causes us to be afraid of growing old because when we do our physical beauty will diminish and our partner could leave us for someone younger and more attractive. When we compare ourselves with impossible standards it devalues us and creates an inner longing to be better. Because if we look better we will attract someone better and our need for that perfect love will be fulfilled. This one erroneous belief keeps the diet and beauty industry in business and puts to waste our hard earned money. What we may want to pay attention to is the real number of public celebrity divorces and failed relationships that occur between the most beautiful and successful people to validate the fact that they too have been sucked in by the illusion of romantic love.
So how do we learn what true love is?
The best way to insure a lasting relationship is to get to know who you are dating before you let the relationship get physical. Spend the time it takes to get to know someone and see if you have similar values. If the attraction lasts and a deep friendship ensues the next step is determining if there is a sexual compatibility, but be sure you really know someone before you have sex. This requires a level of maturity that few of us were taught or understand. You should be able to discuss serious issues like life goals, birth control, and health concerns etc., the way partners would.
If you have a history of failed relationships the best was to begin is:
By deciding what is valuable to you not your romantic ideals. Look at real life successful relationships and see how they have made their lives together work. Love yourself and find out what you like to do, alone. Realize that in a real “love relationship” both parties are open to and willing to work on the following concepts:
Commitment to self
Honesty
Maturity
Willingness to negotiate
Honest communication
Self awareness
Sexual compatibility
Similar values
Patience and tolerance for a wide range of emotions
Personal boundaries
Willingness to let go of control
Devotion
Quality time with each other
A willingness to face problems
Compatibility
Ease with, and respect and admiration for the other
Reciprocity
Commitment to the relationship itself as an ever changing entity
And most importantly realistic expectations about how much happiness should come from the relationship itself.
November 24, 2007 by dontdatethatdude
Healthy Relationships
Communication & Sharing: The most important part of any healthy relationship between two people is being able to talk and listen to one another. In healthy relationships, people don’t lie. Communication is based on honesty and trust.
Respect and Trust: In healthy relationships, you learn to respect and trust important people in your life. Disagreements may still happen, but you learn to stay calm and talk about how you feel. Talking calmly helps you to understand the real reason for not getting along, and it’s much easier to figure out how to fix it. In healthy relationships, working through disagreements often makes the relationship stronger.
How do I know that I have a healthy relationship with someone?
Real Life: Family“My sister is so annoying! She’s driving me crazy!”
Jenny and her sister Sarah fight all the time. Jenny is angry with Sarah because she barges into her room and takes her things without asking. Sarah complains that Jenny yells too much and spends all of her time on the family computer.
Your brothers and sisters can upset you sometimes. You may get angry if they take something that is yours, go into your room, hit you, or bother you when you have friends over. Your older brothers or sisters may try to boss you around and tell you what to do. Your younger brothers or sisters may borrow your things or want to be around you all the time.
When you argue with your friends, you can go home and get away from them. But, when you argue with a brother or sister, they are in your house and you may feel like you can’t get away from them. It’s normal to get angry and upset with your brothers and sisters. However, it’s not OK to hurt them. Talking things out and coming up with rules that you and your brothers and sisters agree on will make living together a lot easier.
Here are some ways to handle an argument and help you to avoid fighting with your brother(s) or sister(s):
Real Life: Friends“Why should I do what YOU say?”
Abby and Maria have been friends for a long time. Abby has been upset because Maria always decides where they are going and what they are going to do. Maria also tells Abby who she can be friends with. Abby feels pressured to do what Maria tells her to do.
Friendships can be complicated at this time in your life. You may be making new friends while you are trying to keep old friends. One thing that can make any relationship complicated is peer pressure. Peer pressure is when you chose to do something you usually wouldn’t do, or you stop doing something that you normally would do because you are worried about what your friends will think. Some friends may pressure you to do something because “everyone else does it,” such as making fun of someone. One of the biggest challenges that you may have to face is standing up to a friend.
Here are tips to help you handle a disagreement with a friend:
Anna and Jamal like each other. They met a few weeks ago at a dance. They want to get to know each other but don’t know what to do next.
There is no best age for teens to begin dating. Every person will be ready for a dating relationship at a different time. Different families may have certain rules about dating too. When you decide to start a new dating relationship, it should be because you care about someone and not because you feel like you have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. A dating relationship is a special chance to get to know someone, share your thoughts and feelings with each other, and do activities together.
Healthy dating relationships should start with the same ingredients that healthy friendships have, such as good communication, honesty, and respect. Dating relationships are a little different because they may include physical affection, like hugging, kissing, or holding hands. As with all relationships, it may be tempting at first for you to spend all of your time with your new partner. But, making special time to spend together and apart means that you will be able to work on having a healthy relationship with the person you are dating and with other people in your life, like your friends and family.
You should NEVER feel pressured to do something that you don’t want to do. He/she should always respect your right to say no to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It is important that you are both clear with each other about your values and your limits from the start. By talking about how each of you feel about a lot of things, you may avoid getting into situations where you are pressured into making a decision on the spot about something very important.
Here are some tips for starting a healthy dating relationship and ways to stay safe:
Real Life: Parents“I hate these stupid rules!”
Kim has been arguing with her parents a lot lately. She feels that all the rules that her parents set are unfair. They tell her that she needs to listen and obey them.
Your relationship with your parents may be confusing right now. While you may feel ready to make your own decisions about where and when you go places, your parents will set limits. The reason that your parents do this is because they care about you and want to protect you from danger. You may find that you are fighting with your parents more than you used to.
Here are some tips for how to avoid and handle arguments with your parents:
Respect and Trust: In healthy relationships, you learn to respect and trust important people in your life. Disagreements may still happen, but you learn to stay calm and talk about how you feel. Talking calmly helps you to understand the real reason for not getting along, and it’s much easier to figure out how to fix it. In healthy relationships, working through disagreements often makes the relationship stronger.
How do I know that I have a healthy relationship with someone?
- You know that you are in a healthy relationship with someone because you feel good about yourself when you are around that person. Unhealthy relationships can make you feel sad, angry, scared, or worried.
- Healthy peer relationships involve an equal amount of give and take in the relationship. In unhealthy relationships, there is an unfair balance. You may feel that most of the time you are giving the other person more attention than they give to you or you feel pressured to spend a certain amount of time with them.
- You should feel safe around the other person and feel that you can trust him/her with your secrets. In a healthy relationship, you like to spend time with the other person, instead of feeling like you’re pressured into spending time with them. Unhealthy relationships do not include trust and respect, which are very important parts of a family relationship, good friendship, or dating relationship. No one deserves to be in an unhealthy relationship.
Real Life: Family“My sister is so annoying! She’s driving me crazy!”
Jenny and her sister Sarah fight all the time. Jenny is angry with Sarah because she barges into her room and takes her things without asking. Sarah complains that Jenny yells too much and spends all of her time on the family computer.
Your brothers and sisters can upset you sometimes. You may get angry if they take something that is yours, go into your room, hit you, or bother you when you have friends over. Your older brothers or sisters may try to boss you around and tell you what to do. Your younger brothers or sisters may borrow your things or want to be around you all the time.
When you argue with your friends, you can go home and get away from them. But, when you argue with a brother or sister, they are in your house and you may feel like you can’t get away from them. It’s normal to get angry and upset with your brothers and sisters. However, it’s not OK to hurt them. Talking things out and coming up with rules that you and your brothers and sisters agree on will make living together a lot easier.
Here are some ways to handle an argument and help you to avoid fighting with your brother(s) or sister(s):
- Go for a walk or go to separate rooms in the house, before you lose your temper in an argument.
- Talk to your parents about what is bothering you. Most likely they will be able to give you advice.
- Set up your own personal space. Even if you share a bedroom, make a little space (even in a corner of your bedroom) that is all yours. Tell your brother or sister that they need to knock before coming into your bedroom or your special area of a shared bedroom.
- Respect your brother or sister’s personal space too – whether it is their room or a part of your shared bedroom. They will be more likely to show you the same respect in return.
- Decide ahead of time how you are going to share the computer. For example, you can figure out separate times when each of you can use it.
- Share the remote. Talk ahead of time about what shows you want to watch, then take turns watching your favorite shows if they are on at the same time.
- Pick your battles. Try to figure out what is really bothering you. This will help you to know if the problem is worth arguing about. Some issues may be more important than others.
Real Life: Friends“Why should I do what YOU say?”
Abby and Maria have been friends for a long time. Abby has been upset because Maria always decides where they are going and what they are going to do. Maria also tells Abby who she can be friends with. Abby feels pressured to do what Maria tells her to do.
Friendships can be complicated at this time in your life. You may be making new friends while you are trying to keep old friends. One thing that can make any relationship complicated is peer pressure. Peer pressure is when you chose to do something you usually wouldn’t do, or you stop doing something that you normally would do because you are worried about what your friends will think. Some friends may pressure you to do something because “everyone else does it,” such as making fun of someone. One of the biggest challenges that you may have to face is standing up to a friend.
Here are tips to help you handle a disagreement with a friend:
- You always have the right to say “no” to your friend whenever you want to. In a healthy friendship, you should not be afraid of losing a friend because you say “no.” Good friends should respect your right to say no about anything and not give you a hard time. It is important that you show your friend the same respect when they say no to you.
- If you and your friend disagree about something or have an argument, it does not mean that you have an unhealthy relationship. It’s normal to feel upset when you disagree with a friend. You won’t always agree with what your friend has to say. As long as you and your friend can talk to one another and listen to what each person has to say, you should be able to work through a disagreement. Healthy friendships involve trust and being able to respect each other’s differences.
- The friends that you make and the relationships you develop will help you learn a lot about yourself. Your friendships may be the most important thing to you right now. You will find out what things you like to do together but more importantly, you will learn about the kind of friends you want to have and the kind of friend you want to be to others.
Anna and Jamal like each other. They met a few weeks ago at a dance. They want to get to know each other but don’t know what to do next.
There is no best age for teens to begin dating. Every person will be ready for a dating relationship at a different time. Different families may have certain rules about dating too. When you decide to start a new dating relationship, it should be because you care about someone and not because you feel like you have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. A dating relationship is a special chance to get to know someone, share your thoughts and feelings with each other, and do activities together.
Healthy dating relationships should start with the same ingredients that healthy friendships have, such as good communication, honesty, and respect. Dating relationships are a little different because they may include physical affection, like hugging, kissing, or holding hands. As with all relationships, it may be tempting at first for you to spend all of your time with your new partner. But, making special time to spend together and apart means that you will be able to work on having a healthy relationship with the person you are dating and with other people in your life, like your friends and family.
You should NEVER feel pressured to do something that you don’t want to do. He/she should always respect your right to say no to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It is important that you are both clear with each other about your values and your limits from the start. By talking about how each of you feel about a lot of things, you may avoid getting into situations where you are pressured into making a decision on the spot about something very important.
Here are some tips for starting a healthy dating relationship and ways to stay safe:
- Get to know a person by talking on the phone or at school before you go out with them for the first time.
- Go out with a group of friends to a public place the first few times you are spending time together.
- Plan fun activities like going to the movies, a picnic, the mall, a walk, etc.
- Be clear with the other person about what you feel comfortable doing and what time your parent(s) or guardian(s) expect you to be home.
- Tell at least one friend and especially your parent(s) where you are going, who you will be with, and how to reach you.
Real Life: Parents“I hate these stupid rules!”
Kim has been arguing with her parents a lot lately. She feels that all the rules that her parents set are unfair. They tell her that she needs to listen and obey them.
Your relationship with your parents may be confusing right now. While you may feel ready to make your own decisions about where and when you go places, your parents will set limits. The reason that your parents do this is because they care about you and want to protect you from danger. You may find that you are fighting with your parents more than you used to.
Here are some tips for how to avoid and handle arguments with your parents:
- Discuss the rules ahead of time and not at the last minute. This way you will be able to tell what they will say yes or no to before you make plans. Your parents can also explain to you why each rule is in place. Ask them to give you the chance to explain how the rules make you feel and suggest what you think are appropriate rules. Your parents may be willing to listen to your ideas and use them when making rules that you both agree on.
- Try to remain calm and do not lose your temper when your parents say no to something. You will show your parents that you are responsible and mature by talking instead of yelling and listening to what they have to say.
- Follow each rule that they set. If your parents tell you to be home at a certain time, stick to it. They may begin to worry about your safety if you are late. By being responsible and by following rules, your parents may be willing to negotiate a later time in the future, especially if they know that you will follow their rules.
- Pick your battles. Try to figure out what is really bothering you. This will help you to know if it is worth arguing about. Some issues may be more important than others.
- Spend time with your family. Some teens argue with their parents over the amount of time they spend with their friends. Communicate with each other and make some special family time so that you can all enjoy the time you spend at home. Suggest activities that your whole family will enjoy together such as going for a hike, a bike ride, or going to the beach.
Active Living Skills
Eat a well balanced diet!
Eating a healthy, balanced diet provides nutrients to your body. These nutrients give you energy and keep your heart pumping, your brain active, and your muscles working. Nutrients also help strengthen bones, muscles, and tendons and also regulate blood pressure.
Good nutrition can lower your risk of developing chronic diseases.
Get the right amount of vitamins and minerals!
Experts say there is definitely a place for vitamin or mineral supplements in our diets, but their primary function is to fill in small nutrient gaps. They are "supplements" intended to add to your diet, not take the place of real food or a healthy meal plan. Vitamins and other dietary supplements are not intended to be a food substitute. They cannot replace all of the nutrients and benefits of whole foods.
Get Regular Exercise
It can reduce your risk of major illnesses, such as heart disease, stroke, diabetes and cancer by up to 50% and lower your risk of early death by up to 30%. Exercise is the miracle cure we’ve always had, but for too long we’ve neglected to take our recommended dose. Whatever your age, there's strong scientific evidence that being physically active can help you lead a healthier and even happier life.
Be Proactive About Your Health
A proactive patient is an informed one who finds a good doctor and medical facility, does independent research using reliable sources, and asks detailed, relevant questions. Each of us is ultimately in charge of our own health.
Here is something's you may be able to do to be practice about your health:
1.Avoid bad situations when possible.
2. Don’t be afraid to question your doctor.
3. Listen to your instincts.
4. Do lots of research.
5. Keep your own medical record.
6. Talk to other patients who share your diagnosis.
7. Make a list of questions for your doctor.
8. If you’re not sure what to do, ask.
9. See your doctor at least once a year for a check-up.
10. Have an annual eye exam every one-three years.
11. See your dentist for an annual cleaning about every 12-24 months.
Reduce Stress
Reducing stress in your everyday life is vital for maintaining your overall health, as it can improve your mood, boost immune function, promote longevity and allow you to be more productive. When you let your stress get the best of you, you put yourself at risk of developing a range of illnesses – from the common cold to severe heart disease.
Stay Connected with family and friends.
Just as running can help improve cardiovascular activity or lifting weights strengthens muscles, socializing enhances your everyday moods and experiences, especially as you get older. Talking and interacting with others is arguably one of the best aging tips. In a report conducted by Statistics Canada, the more social activities older individuals kept up with through aging, the greater odds of personal satisfaction and positive self-perceived health they had. In addition, seniors who maintained strong relationships with their friends and family as well as socialized on a regular basis were less likely to develop depression or feel lonely.
Eating a healthy, balanced diet provides nutrients to your body. These nutrients give you energy and keep your heart pumping, your brain active, and your muscles working. Nutrients also help strengthen bones, muscles, and tendons and also regulate blood pressure.
Good nutrition can lower your risk of developing chronic diseases.
Get the right amount of vitamins and minerals!
Experts say there is definitely a place for vitamin or mineral supplements in our diets, but their primary function is to fill in small nutrient gaps. They are "supplements" intended to add to your diet, not take the place of real food or a healthy meal plan. Vitamins and other dietary supplements are not intended to be a food substitute. They cannot replace all of the nutrients and benefits of whole foods.
Get Regular Exercise
It can reduce your risk of major illnesses, such as heart disease, stroke, diabetes and cancer by up to 50% and lower your risk of early death by up to 30%. Exercise is the miracle cure we’ve always had, but for too long we’ve neglected to take our recommended dose. Whatever your age, there's strong scientific evidence that being physically active can help you lead a healthier and even happier life.
Be Proactive About Your Health
A proactive patient is an informed one who finds a good doctor and medical facility, does independent research using reliable sources, and asks detailed, relevant questions. Each of us is ultimately in charge of our own health.
Here is something's you may be able to do to be practice about your health:
1.Avoid bad situations when possible.
2. Don’t be afraid to question your doctor.
3. Listen to your instincts.
4. Do lots of research.
5. Keep your own medical record.
6. Talk to other patients who share your diagnosis.
7. Make a list of questions for your doctor.
8. If you’re not sure what to do, ask.
9. See your doctor at least once a year for a check-up.
10. Have an annual eye exam every one-three years.
11. See your dentist for an annual cleaning about every 12-24 months.
Reduce Stress
Reducing stress in your everyday life is vital for maintaining your overall health, as it can improve your mood, boost immune function, promote longevity and allow you to be more productive. When you let your stress get the best of you, you put yourself at risk of developing a range of illnesses – from the common cold to severe heart disease.
Stay Connected with family and friends.
Just as running can help improve cardiovascular activity or lifting weights strengthens muscles, socializing enhances your everyday moods and experiences, especially as you get older. Talking and interacting with others is arguably one of the best aging tips. In a report conducted by Statistics Canada, the more social activities older individuals kept up with through aging, the greater odds of personal satisfaction and positive self-perceived health they had. In addition, seniors who maintained strong relationships with their friends and family as well as socialized on a regular basis were less likely to develop depression or feel lonely.
Abusive Relationships
1. He/she pushes for quick involvement. Gets to involved with you way to fast!
2. Jealousy. Calls a lot, aggressive texter, etc.
3. He/She is controlling. Asks you where you are at all hours of the day, always insists you need to ask your permission.
4. Has very unrealistic expectations. Expects you to be the perfect person and meet their every need.
5. Isolation. Tries to cut you off from family and friends, phone or car.
6. She/He blames others for his own mistakes.
7. Makes everyone else responsible for their feelings. "You make me angry" instead of "I'm angry."
8. There is hypersensitivity. Gets easily insulted and offended, rants quite often.
9. She/He is cruel to animals and children.
10. There is verbal abuse.
11. There are rigid gender roles. She/He Expects you to serve, obey, and remain at home.
12. Has sudden mood swings.
13. He has a past of battering. She/He admits to hitting others in the past, but states that they or the situation brought it on.
14. Threats of violence. He makes statements such as, "I'll break your neck," but then dismisses it with "I really didn't mean it."
2. Jealousy. Calls a lot, aggressive texter, etc.
3. He/She is controlling. Asks you where you are at all hours of the day, always insists you need to ask your permission.
4. Has very unrealistic expectations. Expects you to be the perfect person and meet their every need.
5. Isolation. Tries to cut you off from family and friends, phone or car.
6. She/He blames others for his own mistakes.
7. Makes everyone else responsible for their feelings. "You make me angry" instead of "I'm angry."
8. There is hypersensitivity. Gets easily insulted and offended, rants quite often.
9. She/He is cruel to animals and children.
10. There is verbal abuse.
11. There are rigid gender roles. She/He Expects you to serve, obey, and remain at home.
12. Has sudden mood swings.
13. He has a past of battering. She/He admits to hitting others in the past, but states that they or the situation brought it on.
14. Threats of violence. He makes statements such as, "I'll break your neck," but then dismisses it with "I really didn't mean it."
Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:
General warning signs of domestic abuse
People who are being abused may:
People who are being physically abused may:
People who are being isolated by their abuser may:
People who are being abused may:
Do's and Don'ts
Do:
Don’t:
Adapted from: NYS Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. Last updated: April 2015.
Help Phones for Abuse in Grande Prairie
Drug and Alcohol Abuse Resources
Mental Health
Family Violence Info Line
Kids Help Phone
- Abuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."
- Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's done. He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.
- Excuses – Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the abusive behavior—anything to avoid taking responsibility.
- "Normal" behavior – The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
- Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he'll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
- Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.
General warning signs of domestic abuse
People who are being abused may:
- Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner
- Go along with everything their partner says and does
- Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing
- Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner
- Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness
People who are being physically abused may:
- Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”
- Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation
- Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors)
People who are being isolated by their abuser may:
- Be restricted from seeing family and friends
- Rarely go out in public without their partner
- Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car
People who are being abused may:
- Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident
- Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn)
- Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal
Do's and Don'ts
Do:
- Ask if something is wrong
- Express concern
- Listen and validate
- Offer help
- Support his or her decisions
Don’t:
- Wait for him or her to come to you
- Judge or blame
- Pressure him or her
- Give advice
- Place conditions on your support
Adapted from: NYS Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. Last updated: April 2015.
Help Phones for Abuse in Grande Prairie
Drug and Alcohol Abuse Resources
- 780-538-6330
- [email protected]
- Address: Grande Prairie Public Health Centre, Suite 300, 9728 Montrose Avenue, Grande Prairie, Alberta, T8V 5B6
Mental Health
- 780-538-6330
- Address: Suite 300, 9728 Montrose Avenue, Grande Prairie, Alberta, T8V 5B6
- 1-800-387-5437
- 780-539-6255
- [email protected]
- Address: #102, 9905 - 101 Avenue, Grande Prairie, Alberta, T8V 0X7
- http://www.albertaelderabuse.ca/page.cfm?pgID=13
Family Violence Info Line
- 310-1818 (toll-free, 24/7)
Kids Help Phone
- 1-800-668-6868
- http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/teens/home/splash.aspx
Ways to support your friends in a relationships!
- Listen: If someone is willing to share their experience/ with you, it is important that they can share without fear of being judged, rejected or betrayed.
- Believe/Validate: Unhealthy relationships occur within every social stratum, among every race, and to all genders and sexual orientations. It is a very serious problem in our society.
- Assure the person that they are not to blame: They do not deserve what is happening to them, nor are they the cause.
- Support without dominating: Encourage them to see that they still have choices and support them in the choices they make. Empower them to know that they have options.
- Be there: Supporting a person in an unhealthy relationship can be difficult but they need to know that you will be there for them. There are many things that keep someone trapped in a relationship. It is complex and rarely an easy decision. Try to educate yourself about these obstacles and be understanding when talking with someone in an abusive relationship.
Supporting Friends & Relationships Resposibilities
How to Cope
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Jul 2013
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.
Peer Pressure/ Refusal Skills
Delay, Refuse, negotiate
Summary of Thoughts, Feelings, and Feedback
I really enjoyed the sessions we had with Ms. Swanson. She had a lot of great information to share with everyone and I find that it may could help me in my future life when I have hard choices to make or friends that are going through tough times that need help while going through something. I also wish i knew this a little earlier because I could have been able to see these problems and help some more people!
Session #1 was about dealing with stress, and I have had a lot of stress in my life already so I have found my own different ways to deal with stress with the help of friends and family. This session didn't help me a lot but I also learnt a few new ways that other people have used to relieve stress.
Session #2 was about Stereotypes affected how a person is being treated by others. I found this session was very interesting because i knew that there were very bad stereotypes out there and they affect everybody in this world! We also talked about some new stereotypes that have come up, which was very interesting to me i find!
Sessions #3 Impacts on shaping your views of relationships. This one also went with the stereotypes and the stereotypical views that everyone has on relationships on one way or another. It's what we thinks relationships should be like, which is pretty much like "couple goals" and we just push away the fighting and the abusive relationships.
Session #4 Healthy Relationships- Here are 6 things that are very important for a healthy relationship! I also learnt this from the sessions. Honesty, Friendship, Healthy sense of yourself(Loving yourself), Still spending time with family and friends, Spending quality time with each other, Respect and Compromise.
Session #5 Below are some pictures of healthy living!
Session #1 was about dealing with stress, and I have had a lot of stress in my life already so I have found my own different ways to deal with stress with the help of friends and family. This session didn't help me a lot but I also learnt a few new ways that other people have used to relieve stress.
Session #2 was about Stereotypes affected how a person is being treated by others. I found this session was very interesting because i knew that there were very bad stereotypes out there and they affect everybody in this world! We also talked about some new stereotypes that have come up, which was very interesting to me i find!
Sessions #3 Impacts on shaping your views of relationships. This one also went with the stereotypes and the stereotypical views that everyone has on relationships on one way or another. It's what we thinks relationships should be like, which is pretty much like "couple goals" and we just push away the fighting and the abusive relationships.
Session #4 Healthy Relationships- Here are 6 things that are very important for a healthy relationship! I also learnt this from the sessions. Honesty, Friendship, Healthy sense of yourself(Loving yourself), Still spending time with family and friends, Spending quality time with each other, Respect and Compromise.
Session #5 Below are some pictures of healthy living!
Session#6 Abusive Relationships. I learnt a lot of things that are signs of abusive relationships and ways to get out of it which really helped. I could really help some friends and myself if i ever got into an abusive relationships
Session#7 Supporting Friends & Relationship Responsibilities, This was an interesting session, I learnt new ways to support my friends with their decisions and supporting them in their relationships! I feel like this would be very helpful when I need to use it in the future!
Session#8 Communication. This session wasn't really helpful because I know how to communicate with my friends and my parents very well, but our leader also added some things that could be useful!
Session#9 How to Cope- I wasn't here this day. But just like stress I've figured out my own unique ways to cope on hard life situations!
Session#10. Peer Pressure / Refusal Skills We learnt about the different ways to deal with peer pressure! Refuse, Delay, Negotiate
Session#7 Supporting Friends & Relationship Responsibilities, This was an interesting session, I learnt new ways to support my friends with their decisions and supporting them in their relationships! I feel like this would be very helpful when I need to use it in the future!
Session#8 Communication. This session wasn't really helpful because I know how to communicate with my friends and my parents very well, but our leader also added some things that could be useful!
Session#9 How to Cope- I wasn't here this day. But just like stress I've figured out my own unique ways to cope on hard life situations!
Session#10. Peer Pressure / Refusal Skills We learnt about the different ways to deal with peer pressure! Refuse, Delay, Negotiate
Session#11. We also talked about healthy relationships in this session as well! Which would be the same as session #4
Self Evaluation
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Favorite Topic
I had a few favourite topics. They are talked about above in sections. Those would happen to be my favourite because I have or do still deal with them to this present day. There is ways to deal with them, and help you get through them, also more information about it!
Example of a Healthy Relationships
I think my Great-Grandparents and Grandparents on my mothers side of the family have the healthiest relationships, with be married 47 years or almost 66 years is amazing!